I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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