I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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