so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
