The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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