You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
