He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
