i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
