Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
