dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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