why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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