Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
