real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
