god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
