we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
