you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
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I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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