On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
