she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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