hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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