He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
