Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
honey bunches of taint.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
