i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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