I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
