so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
