At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
