I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
