No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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