If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
