Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
