hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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