My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
and she was petting her beer can
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
