Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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