the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
