Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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