Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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