I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
