Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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