A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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