he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
