am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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