I want to walk on stilts...naked
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
