she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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