i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
