Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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