we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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