Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
