he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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