We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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