The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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