Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
