Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
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It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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