Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
