There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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