Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
