yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
