I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
