I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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