Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
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You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
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I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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