Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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