oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
