New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
