the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
