drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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