He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
