that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
barbara walters just said penis...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
