Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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