I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
whose ass print is on the piano?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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