In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
