i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
