Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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