Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
