hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
