how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
