I smell stomach acid.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
