Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
