Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
